bikes are for kids!

life in another world has been different. you think you're so high functioning when you're in your own world, doing your own rituals and getting better and better at them. then God takes you out of the familiarity and you realize you're not quite as stable as you once thought you were. ...pride comes before a fall...?

i was getting really good at riding my bike in emporia. i was faster and tougher than alot of boys and i liked it that way. i was an expert at exhausting my body to rebuild it and ride harder. but i was also really unbalanced. being overtrained for over a year isn't the best thing for your body, and as it turns out, you don't have to work out like a maniac to keep a healthy weight. (yeah yeah, i knew this already, but those of you addicted to exercise understand)

i haven't been able to find a gym close that works in with my work/home life. since going to the gym has been the catalyst in all my major weight loss since college, this caused alot of anxiety for a while. i like the routine. i like the people i see that seem to keep me accountable. what can i say, i'm like a golden retriever when it comes to positive affirmation.

but, you can't do the same thing forever and expect growth. i was getting burnt out on bikes and that wasn't a good thing. joe has been the best thing to happen to me in so many ways, and balance has been one of those. he's not much for getting addicted to working out...he's really good at rest. we compliment eachother well. so i have been learning how to moderately exercise and rest well.

joe went on his first long-ish ride with me a few weeks ago. he did great except that his butt really hurt...i told him he'd get over it in about 2 weeks. he's decided to ride part of the bike ms with me. i knew that for the first time i didn't have anyone to prove anything to about how long i could ride, so when he agreed to do 37 miles with me, i was thrilled for the chance to spend time together doing something i love...and he will attempt to enjoy haha above are a few of our engagement pics taken by eric benjamin (who is totally retried, but is an awesome friend), complimenting our perspective favorite sports :)

i've been doing little rides here and there, and have started my own thursday night bike club. mostly, i'm just enjoying exercise again. somehow it had become such an obligation and stopped being much fun, like adulthood. i'm really glad to be at this point again. who cares how far or long i ride my bike. bikes are universally for people to enjoy, not to dread...like when you were a kid. so, what do you have to prove? get out there and be a kid yourself. enjoy your bike :)

crazy love.

"joe doesn't understand love and how much i love my bike." i said these words a few months ago after joe was moving some things and leaned something heavy on my road bike. of course, this isn't true, he does understand love, but we all know most normal people don't understand crazy bike love.

it's been interesting being with a person who doesn't do the bike thing. it's a little lonely, and there's this horrible inner battle that goes on in my head all the time: i should ride my bike cause it's nice out and i love my bike. i would also like to spend time with the man i'm in love with.

i was talking with lelan about how i haven't had as much time to ride since i met joe because life just gets busy when you have a family (i'm a soon to be step-mom too) and you're in grad school. he said he's really looking forward to the time when he's in love and would rather be with the woman of his dreams than on a bike. "oh wait, wait, wait a minute," i corrected him, "just because i'm in love and want to spend time with my fiance doesn't make it any easier to not ride my bike when it's a beautiful day out!"

but it's getting easier. i'm learning to ride when joe's busy doing other things and it's also alot easier now that we're living in the same town. it gets lonely sometimes though. i ride the prairie spirit trail pretty often because i know i can't get lost on it, but it gets boring after a while. today i branched out and ventured out to the beautiful land of gravel. but after getting lost and backtracking a bunch i felt a little like pacman, except i wasn't getting to eat cool stuff on the way. i did, however, get chased by a few dogs at which point i gave up and jumped back on the spirit trail to get back home, leaving me really feeling like i'd been pacman!

the awesome thing about being in love is that it's sacrifical. sometimes that's really overwhelming because you have to sacrifice a ton; like moving to a small town and joining someone else's family and dreams to begin to share a life together. and then other times, it's sacrificial on the other end.

you may recall that i took joe to the trails at camp alexander once. that wasn't the best experience on his part since i should have started him out on at least a bike that fit him, so he's not really wanted to ever get back on a bike again. but he knows my crazy love for bikes, so yesterday he said some pretty sweet words to me that were right up there wtih "will you marry me?"

he said to me, "i think when i get my work bonus, i'm going to get a bike". it's not really his thing, and he would much rather play basketball or some other team sport, but he's doing it because he loves me and wants to sacrifice for me too. sure, it may not seem like a very big deal to alot of people, but to those of you who understand crazy bike love understand that in the moment he spoke sweet words i've never loved him more.

we may not get to ride really fast or super long miles when he gets a bike, but i think he's starting to understand love and how much i love my bike. maybe soon he will have some crazy love for a bike too. we can only hope :)

welcome to crazyville

this has been an intense week. who knew being engaged would send time into a spin and you wouldn't know which way was up? we've gotten all the big details planned, i got my dress :) and i've successfully created major drama in my family. well, i'm sure i'm not the one who created it, my wedding just happens to be the catalyist of crazyville and my family thinking it's their day. course, i can't say it's my day or i'll be labled a bride-zilla. i've been really thankful for the people in my life who've been supportive of whatever decision i make. they have NO IDEA how much it means to me! not to mention how patient joe is. i'm more thankful for him every day.

i have this habit of getting sick when i'm stressed out. so guess who's sick? i tried to lay low this week, but i had to take the national counselor's exam yesterday so i was kind on edge all week. i think it went pretty well, so thanks for all of you who prayed for me. but who knows, i can't make any assumptions till i have my results in 6 weeks.

i had registered to race at the bone bender today thinking it would be an awesome stress reliever. it would have been if i hadn't woken up last night terrified because i wasn't able to catch my breath several times and had to cough it out. i shouldn't have pre-registered, but oh well, maybe they'll refund me. if not, it's not the end of the world.

we have, however set a date! november 5th, 2011! we didn't want to do it any later because of weather and holidays, and any earlier would be financially impossible, so that's what we picked. the awesomest thing is i've realized november 5th is a memorable day for several reasons: if you've seen v for vendetta, the key phrase repeated in the movie was "remember remember the 5th of november", and, my personal favorite, back to the future's flux capacitor day of 1955! memorable our day will be for sure.

school gets out in 4 weeks and i'm almost done with all my assignments. being done with school is kind of a crazy concept since i've been in school for 20 out of 27 years of my life. i'm really looking forward to it though.

until then we press on! and who knows, maybe i'll get better soon and get to ride my bike :)

BIG LIFE CHANGES!!!

i'm beginning to understand why there aren't many ladies to race. or at least one reason. while men can compartmentalize really well and tend to take more time out for themselves, women tend to be the opposite extreme. everything in our lives runs into everything else and we usually spread ourselves too thin. especially in the area of family.

i always knew i'd have to give up riding as much once i had a family, i just never knew it would come so soon...because...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! joe and i got engaged yesterday! i thought this day would never come for me! lol

we've been talking about it a while and i've been adjusting to learning to be a step-mommy to his 3 year old little girl who's just amazing :)

while this new life is awesome and everything i've ever asked for, it's also a HUGE adjustment. i've been really independent for a really long time. so now i'm really admiring those wives and moms who have so much going on! being in grad school probably doesn't help the situation too much haha doing internship, school, and work, job hunting, and then joining joe's world every weekend is a pretty intense lifestyle.

i take the national counselor's exam next saturday so pray for me please. after that, i have a few assignments and then i'll graduate! woo!!! pray i get a job too please! you laugh, but the economy has not been kind to the mental health feild.

the great thing i've been learning about riding is that i just can't do everything. i had to quit spin because i was getting overtrained all the time. stress kinda keeps you from recovery apparently. i've done little bits here and there and have been working on not feeling guilty for not riding when its beautiful or when i should. bikes should be happy right. i want my rides to be because i love bikes and its a perfect time to take out for myself, not because i feel like i'll get fat if i don't ride, or that i won't be able to keep up with anyone later.

that being said, i've gotten some really awesome trail rides in this past week. i've been stronger not going to spin class than i was when i was going 4-5 times a week. who knewwww!? haha i've conqured some spots that i haven't ever been able to do before, and i've had a blast!

next weekend, to celebrate taking the nce saturday, i will race at the bone bender in lawrence. i may not be as fast as i could be if i were training all the time or didn't have stress, but i'm going to have a blast. i've been very blessed and it's time to celebrate that!

get out there and ride because you want to :)

i'm baaaaaaack!!!

tuesday at spin class sam mentioned something about me never updating my bike blog...which i think is a bit of an overstatement ;) but if the people miss me, i must respond.

yes, you've heard it correctly, i'm back. to spin class that is! i'd quit sometime in october because i couldn't take the stress of living out in the county and therefore packing my day from 5am to 9pm. but recently i've moved back in with my mom during the week and was real excited to be able to join the gym again!

now i know many of you think i'm crazy for actually liking to wake up at 5am and torture my body with the intensity of a spin class. but i must remind you of a previous post in which i explained to you all that i am extrinsically motivated. therefore, i was stoked waking up the other day at 5 knowing some of my spin friends would be faithfully attending and happy to see me again! that, and i love routine when it comes to a work out. it keeps me working toward outdoing myself.

i also know some of you think i'm gonna outdo myself in a bad way. but don't you worry, after being overtrained for most of last year, i'm gonna keep myself to only 3 spin classes a week :)

have a great superbowl weekend friends!

never say never

i've watched alot of my friends fall off of the face of the earth when they get into relationships. heck, i went to a bible college, so i was kind of a pro at guessing the exact moment a friend might fall into the abyss. sometimes it was kind of irritating and although i understood, i always said that would never happen to me.

they say never to say never for a reason. i've recently fallen off the face of the earth and am spending a big majority of my spare (and studying) time with joe. now i do have to give myself some credit and remind myself that i am in grad school. and that this happens to be my last semester. if any of you have known anything about last semesters, they tend to be ridiculiouly chaotic. for example, i'm studying for the national counselors exam that's in april, looking for jobs, and well, all but one of my projects for the entire semester are due by the end of february. oh yeah, and i have a job and internship and classes to go to. it's pretty neat.

i do have to admit life has taken on a new focus. i am riding the trainer, and i plan to head to the trails a bit this weekend when i'm not doing homework, but i'm not quite as much of a workout-aholic as i used to be...which they tell me is a good thing. my focus has switched from keeping up with the boys on bike rides to this weird transition into grownuphood. though i hate that i won't be able to ride quite as much for a while as i would like, it's about time to get this crazy life of mine settled down a bit for the sanity of everyone concerned.

so get out there and ride for me friends! and think of me while i'm busy transitioning into grownuphood. it can't last forever right? :)

no bike-talk

tomorrow begins my last semester of grad school and thus the last semester of school i will ever have in my entire life. really. kick me or something if i ever talk about getting my phd cause this is it folks. i'm not really looking forward to the crazy busy lifestyle i lead when i'm in school, but the idea that it will be over is...i think a good thing. i say i think because it's a pretty overwhelming thought to have to be a grown up again. life inside college is pretty squishy, no matter how often i complain about being busy and tired. but i started studying for the national counselor exam and am going to start looking for jobs. it seems so far away but i think that's because by the time may is here, it will no longer be freezing temperatures and below. praise God!

i'm tired of winter. for the first year ever i just don't really care about snow. i think i might have the winter blues...perhaps i should find a sun lamp or whatever. the sun was out today and i was extatic. a good indication i need more of it. another indication is that i don't really care about talking about bikes. although i think that fascination left a while ago...when i moved into a house full of boys who rarely talk about anything but bikes. so, in this post i will not talk about bikes.

i did, however, win my december exercise competition and am hoping to begin another to get me out of my winter funk. so if any of your are interested... hopefully this can get me through until spring break when the weather is semi nice and i can stop hibernating. i think i'm getting tired of resting :)