I love Aldi. I've been going there since my grad school years when I limited myself to $100 a month of groceries. I didn't eat a variety of foods at the time, but I managed to actually eat fruit and vegetables and not starve. Since being married, I've carried over my Aldi patronage with my family and have managed to feed them semi-healthily and still have money left over to pay bills. Aldi has money saving reasons for me to justify driving 45 minutes each way, but it also has human saving reasons, too. If you've ever been to Aldi, you'd know that if you want to use a quarter, you'll have to put in a quarter to get one and that you bring your own bags and bag your own groceries. This is their money saving way of getting back their carts etc. I'm sure they have a few each year that go missing, but overall, most people are pretty protective of their quarters and everyone, whether they are hippies or not, are pretty careful to bring a recyclable bag. So a long time ago I saw the movie Pay It Forward, a movie where the concept of "paying it forward" instead of back was introduced to me. After watching this movie where a little boy came up with the kindness concept that we could pay forward what others had done for us and change the world, I decided to pay forward my Aldi quarters. Every time we go to Aldi, we give our used cart to someone new, smile and say "pay it forward to the next person", and leave with not only a full car of a months worth of groceries, but a full heart. See, in the movie, Hayley Joel Osment (or whatever ha), talks about the full heart giving to others creates, more so than paying back. A few months ago my pay it forward came back to me. I've probably spent $30 in quarters over the years, but it was worth it to see that there are others in the world trying to make a difference. But not only do I love the concept of paying the carts forward makes me feel good or that using my own bags feels responsible, I love that these acts make people communicate and interact. Most people will share their used boxes and talk to each other when they exchange quarters for their carts. In a world of online everything (I'm one to speak, as I write this blog on my phone), we forget to actually have conversations with one another sometimes. Maybe it's bc I worked with high schoolers this year who barely make eye contact and sometimes trip on their own feet bc they can't put their phones down, but our society is being turned into people who are self absorbed by the nature that they don't have opportunity to feel the good feels of giving back and getting a smile. So in my option, Walmart and Target stores may be making a killing in the finances, but regardless of what Aldi makes, they're making a difference in our world, and I love them for that.

As I sit here rocking my sweet, recovering from a fever, babe, I'm thankful for the days to be able to stay home and nurture him. Recently I've been questioning everything about myself. As if I've suddenly lost my confidence and replaced it with a constant nag of everything I do and have done wrong. I feel like I can't keep everything up at home, I'm not biking/spinning/losing weight like I want to, and I'm always wrong in someone's eyes at work. It's really fun. This isn't like the postpartum depression I experienced where I was anxious about EVERYTHING (which was actually a real thing in hindsight, rather than what seemed like "adjustment"...I won't go into detail, but if you think you might have even a slight case, ask for more support in some way, even if it's not meds.), it's more self doubt. I'd love to solve all this with positive self talk, but that doesn't always work because I'm in my own head. What does work is the smile on my sons face and his laughter and arms reaching out for me to hold him. It's not that I need my son to feel validated as a person, it's that our need for each other is validating. I know he's what my job is. His face reminds me that I'm doing ok at my job. He's healthy, seriously the happiest baby I've ever met, and very loved. That's my job. My perspective of my priorities has changed, I suppose. I can't give my 110% to work, friends, bikes and housework, but my job as a mommy takes more than my 110%. So even on horrible days, I can pick him up from daycare and be reminded that I'm doing a good job. And that's all I need, really. To be the mommy I was created to be. Nothing more, nothing less.