As I sit here rocking my sweet, recovering from a fever, babe, I'm thankful for the days to be able to stay home and nurture him. Recently I've been questioning everything about myself. As if I've suddenly lost my confidence and replaced it with a constant nag of everything I do and have done wrong. I feel like I can't keep everything up at home, I'm not biking/spinning/losing weight like I want to, and I'm always wrong in someone's eyes at work. It's really fun. This isn't like the postpartum depression I experienced where I was anxious about EVERYTHING (which was actually a real thing in hindsight, rather than what seemed like "adjustment"...I won't go into detail, but if you think you might have even a slight case, ask for more support in some way, even if it's not meds.), it's more self doubt. I'd love to solve all this with positive self talk, but that doesn't always work because I'm in my own head. What does work is the smile on my sons face and his laughter and arms reaching out for me to hold him. It's not that I need my son to feel validated as a person, it's that our need for each other is validating. I know he's what my job is. His face reminds me that I'm doing ok at my job. He's healthy, seriously the happiest baby I've ever met, and very loved. That's my job. My perspective of my priorities has changed, I suppose. I can't give my 110% to work, friends, bikes and housework, but my job as a mommy takes more than my 110%. So even on horrible days, I can pick him up from daycare and be reminded that I'm doing a good job. And that's all I need, really. To be the mommy I was created to be. Nothing more, nothing less.