Doomsday

The dreaded day has come. I never thought I'd see the day when 20 miles on gravel would make me tired, but here it is. I did almost 20 today (and only half was gravel), and I'm pooped. And disappointed (okay, not totally disappointed, since I'm glad I just got out there). I know, most of you are reacting in astonishment in my disappointment in myself, but you've gotta realize that there was a day when 20 miles was a walk in a the park. The thing about this area is that there are opportunities for people to be active and get fit, but most of them look at you like you're crazy when you try to do it. That's the problem for me. Sure, there are miles and miles of gravel here, but I never biked gravel because I simly loved it. I biked gravel because I had so many friends cheering me on and telling me it was awesome, not saying "wow, you're crazy". I miss hearing, "that's awesome, I bet you can do 60 miles next time." Or even having other people to compete with. It's not very motivating when you're the fastest and can go the farthest....and you're still not going above your personal best. Honestly, working out is a tricky thing for most people. Its hard to get motivated because we make it difficult. We want to have people cheering us on, the weather to be perfect, all our housework to be already done, the perfect route mapped out, just the right equiptment, etc, etc...We overthink it and then cause ourselves to be lazy. My dad once said that overanalyziation leads to paralyzation. He's right. Its not that we got to busy, its that we relied on everything else to be perfect in our circumstances, instead of just going because it makes us feel good. I lose sight of that often. I have other things in life that make me feel good emotionally, so I often trade those for doing what makes me feel good physically. Funny thing is, you don't feel as good emotionally when you don't do something physical about it. So here I am with an aching back, feeling tired and working on inspiring. We've gotta inspire ourselves. We have to know that feeling good is worth it and that it doesn't matter if our workout is perfect. Sitting on the couch doesn't make us feel good as much as just walking around the block. Any workout is better than no workout. So go do something that makes you feel good physically! That aching stuff will go away with time. I promise you won't regret it.

Joe's accident from my view

It's amazing what one night can do to shake your foundations, even when you thought your foundations were pretty strong. Last Friday night my husband rolled his jeep and was pinned under it for 35 minutes before the firefighters arrived and got him out. I didn't get a call waking me with the worst news imaginable, I was in the car behind him. Blayne was walking around, Brogan was on the ground...I couldn't find my husband. I heard him yelling from the other side of the jeep. I found his hand waving for me, grabbed it and dialed 911. I told Allison I didn't know where we were since it was on gravel, but please find us because Joe and Brogan were trapped under the jeep. Joe said he wasn't going to make it. I didn't know if he would be paralyzed or if he was right. I hope none of you ever have to experience the terror of the possibility of losing a young spouse. I may be a strong person, but I told God that night I wouldn't make it if Joe didn't. Don't argue with me, I wouldn't. All I could think about was that I'd been irritated at him earlier in the night and hadn't let him put his arm sound me. What a terrible regret to have. I kept apologizing for being mad and he kept trying to tell me what I should do if he didn't make it. I continued to kiss his face and ask him to breathe, and forgive me, and tell me about what he'd done at work the day. He wanted to sleep. A police officer told me its best that I try to remain calm for him too. I wanted to yell at him and remind him that I'm a therapist and know this, but its easier said than done. He couldn't feel his legs. Brogan was trapped under the opposite side of the jeep, so all joe kept saying was, "Just put the weight on me and get him out!". I reminded him that he has people to live for too. Our friends tried to help. They tried to at least lift the jeep to lessen the pressure. Joe felt his legs when that happened. He then began to scream about his back burning. I didn't understand why. We were both being drenched by gasoline. He wanted me out of there. I wouldn't leave his side. The officers wanted me out of there too. I didn't care if I got stuck under there with him, I wasn't going to spend my last moments with my husband watching him scream and writhe in pain from a distance. The firefighters finally used a wench to lift the jeep. They got Brogan out and he was hospitalized and released within a matter of a few hours. The paramedics and Joe made me get out of the way. They got him out and into the ambulance. He could move and feel his legs but his back was burned horribly from his shoulders to his thigh. They wouldn't let me in the ambulance. All I wanted to know was that he was going to be ok. They took him to the airport and life-flighted him to KU med burn unit. A few hours later I arrived and sat in the ER with him while he slep in the hallway because they didn't have any rooms. My friends and his family stayed in the waiting room and I had the opportunity to just cry and lay my head on his gurney. This was one of the many times this past week that I'd lay my head down by him and cry when nobody was around. Its uncomfortable to cry in front of others because they want you to stop. Several hours later he was in the burn unit and on medication to keep him from pain. We wouldn't leave for 2 1/2 more days and he would go through the most pain he'd ever experienced. I didn't always keep it all together. I'm thankful to those who loved me anyway. I was able to take him home and care for his wounds, sometimes crying at the pain I was causing by changing the dressings. He is healing very well now. Growing new skin each day. His ribs hurt, but he had absolutely no internal injuries. It's incredible. People keep saying he and Brogan were lucky. I don't believe in luck. I don't know if there's a word for what they are, but its a combination of blessed, cared for, watched over, protected, and loved. All I know is that I am thankful. If you are reading this and don't realize how blessed you are in life, please take a moment to thank God for everything you have. I don't care if you don't believe in God, please, just be thankful for what you have. Cherish your people. Tell them the good things you think about them. Bless the world because you've been blessed.